the name game

I open my mouth to talk, but can only mime
Turbulent weather clouds my time
As i await the touch of that golden feather
That spark of light, moments beckon me hither
It seems that the world is a rush, and the only thing real is a smile
A kind word said, or a compliment remembered force me to rest from the roller-coaster for a while.

Then a question bubbles it's ugly head..
the answer i know not, nor do i dread
when all dreams imagined turn you foe, and you feel left behind..
How do i word the bliss of existence, when the very failure is a high?

A drop of sweat upon the brow, and a lightening thought about tomorrow
can bring fear or ecstasy, whichever you can borrow
but pay the price as you will, the pay off still stands
it all comes down to barter, an eye for an eye, a hand for a hand

But who said that crazyness ain't an aphrodisiac for pain
it lets you be you whilst let others believe you're insane
and let's me hide behind my own skin
the feelings i would never bring to brim

that feeling of love, or anger or shame
all i'm proud of, though i might not name
so how do i word myself a loss or success
For each be a lesson i need to address?

Happiness, more of less, is just my state of mind

In love with this absolutely maddingly flipping track - let me warn you - you may not enjoy the tune - but you will assuredly love the lyrics. It's called 'Lucky Man' by the 'The Verve.'

Uptill now, i was filled with notions about loving sumthing or sumone. It's so easy to relate to a set societal view rather then veering into the so called 'unknown.' But it really is just a state of mind - a sense of freedom from your own boundaries. - Of risking the confines of your own limitations in an attempt to reach out to an intellectual version of you you thought never existed.

And in my entire quest to be a rebel from regular traditions and norms, i forgot that i am destroying everything i have loved the most - aka me.

So my new love, now, is me. and this love is not the destructive kind, but the self-romancing let's get on with it kinda love. ZTry it. It's difficult, but fun.

Ps. if interested:
lyrics: http://www.lyricsdomain.com/20/the_verve/lucky_man.html
song: http://www.live4ever.org/VERVE_WiganUK/the%20verve%20-%20live%20wigan,uk%20-%205-24-98%20-%20%2809%29%20-%20lucky%20man.mp3

Switch

hmmm, i just realised how much of a real ass i was being.

I mean, i had convinced myself of how much of a 'good for nothing' i can be. Sure i have these huge ambitions and dreams - but they're unrealisable right?

WRONG.

I keep forgetting the kid in me, i already, at some level feel, 40.

And i'm guessing in this fast paced world of today, we all do. So I plan to let go. And admit, I'm no superman yet, But i can be.

Also, Try reading this - http://tinybuddha.com/ .. i'm in love with it :)

Pot of contradictions maketh the world go round.

There were days when we were united by causes - of love, frienship, productive intelligence, heck even fun. But the common bounding factor now-a-days seems to be stagnation.

At the verge of sounding overtly sadistic here, i think it's not that bad at all. I think the model has more to do with co-existence. I think, sincerely, till the time you aren't down in the dumps, you won't really rise at all.

Take my own instance. It's been a month and a half since i quit my job. I thought that after i got out of the "corporate rut" as it's popularly known, my "true calling" would finally enlighten me and drive me off me feet. No more boring days my friend, i'm gonna live my dreams now. But even that failed. and much to my dismay, i'm as clueless about my existence than ever before.

So even after being uberly successfull at my job (atleast my bosses thought i was good), i sucked at really living out what i have been wanting to for years.

Which brings me to the stagnation as a savior. Cause i feel freedom can also be very containing. I think of all the dicussions we have on Lord Buddha's theory on non-attachement and renunciation, but we never address getting stuck in the vicious circle of being free. Because isn't being free also a limitation of sorts? I mean we get so attached to being free, that we start fighting the very thoughts/jobs/relationships that allegedly contain us. And a free man is free no more,

So where am i getting at? I guess what i'm tryin to bring to your notice is that we human beings instictively fight everything. Right from wanting to be free and actually attaining that state of mind, we lose ourselves somewhere between the right and wrongs of how it's supposed to be done. well there ain't any supposed. It's just like that.

As far as where i am now, i just finished cryin over Step Up 2: The Streets. This is cause i've always wanted to dance like that - and i'm no where near it. And self motivation is as elusive as a rainbow ending in a pot of gold. I wish there was a road map, but then again, i'm too egoistic to follow it.

Bundle of contradictions we all are. So i hope upon hope, yet again, that i'm freed from my bounds of freedom, cause trust me when i say this - my self afflicted bounds are much worse than corporate life.